Aw, hey, this is Shawn Boswell, main char’cter from “Fast’n Furious Tokyo Drift.” How y’all doin’? Well, I guess some y’all wonderin’ ‘bout this here movie an’ they want me to talk ‘bout it a little, so guess I will. It’s kinda a big summer movie, one with some big-ass cars driving an’ cranshin’ inta-each other. Thass best way to describe it, I guess. If all y’want is some hot Asian chicks, big shiny vehicular damage an’ somethin’ you don’t have to think ‘bout much, thiss’ the movie for you. I like ta’ think iss for all of us, ‘cuz how can anyone say no to somethin’ as fulfillin’ as that?
Plot? Aaww, no, man, ain’t no plot. Well, there’s story, I guess, but I wouldn’t go so far as sayin’ it’s a plot or nuthin’. The expositionary is pretty self-explained, too. It’s basically ‘bout me and how I get in trouble by racin’ some thugs at my local high school an’ how I almost kill myself doin’ it. I don’t die or nuthin’, but my ma thinks I race too much, so she wants to send me somewhere where’s I can maybe think a little clearer, maybe expand my surroundins a bit, go somewhere less cluttered, less technological, more low-key an’ maybe where they don’t have youth gangs that get into trouble.
So, she sends my dumb ass to Tokyo. Thass’ in Japan, ‘case y’all didn’t know. My pa lives there. He’s military man and he rides my ass once in’ while, on a counta bein so reckless an’ all. But when those scenes aren’t goin’ on, I do other things. Like race. I find some other thugs at my new school and I race ‘em. I met a token black kid, so at least I ain’t the only one trying to speak English. He does too. His named Twinkie, and he’s played by Bow Wow. Actually, everyone here speaks English, so that makes it easy on you an’ me. No readin’ or nuthin’.
They race wild, too. They got this racing thing called Tokyo Drift. Now, I thought the same thing you prob’ly did when y’all looked at the name of the movie. You got “Fast.” You got “Furious.” But then you got “Drift.” I dunno ‘bout you, but I don’ get excited by the word “Drift” when I think ‘bout racin’. It’s like “Tokyo Mosey-along” or “Tokyo Wanderin’”. Know wha-I’m sayin’? Anyway, driftin’ is when you drive yer car sideways an’ stuff. It’s like when you make a turn, but you skid at the same time. They do it a lot here. I guess kids here do it ‘cuz the roads here are slipperier. Kinda’ wet and slippy, like their sushi. I guess thass’ a Jap’nese thang.
Anyway, I don’t drift well at first, but there’s a sequence with a buncha scenes an’ some music that shows me learnin’ it, ‘cuz if I don’t then I don’t cut it an’ I can’t beat the local thugs at their own game. There’s plot later ‘bout one of the thugs who has an Uncle who’s yakuza, but that don’ come ‘til later. Don’ worry ‘bout it. Nuthin’ heavy. There’s also a hot Asian chick I got my eye on, but her boyfriend don’ like me none.
Point is, this movie has damn good racin’, if I do say so myself. Iss chopped, shot an’ put together pretty good by director named Justin Lin. He did ‘nother movie came out this year called “Anna Polis.” He throws in some Kidd Rock at the beginnin’, which makes it more excitin’. I think if yer goin’ to a matinee or at the drive-in an’ yer just lookin’ to see some cars get a good ass-kickin’, I think this movie does alright when its’posed to. The cars look shiny, too, cept Bow Wow’s car. His car is patterned after the Incrdible Hulk, with bulgin’ muscles and fists bulgin’ out of the door. ‘Sposed to look tough, but it really looks like a big green car with bad acne.
Problem for me is we all got too many lines. There’s lotta talkin’ in this movie an’ I think they fergot to delete some scenes. It kinda’ drags things out and I prob’ly woulda liked it if the movie woulda’ been 80 minutes an’with more action. Screenplay tries to give us some depth persona an’ stuff, but really we just wanna race an’ I think thass all the audience wants to see, too, whether they’re in a thee-ay-ter or at the race itself. But how stupid are these spectators in this movie? Someone oughta tell these dimwits that if they’re goin’ to a drift race, they prob’ly shouldn’t park so damn close to the track, on a counta’ us crashin’ into them when a drift gets outta hand. You might wanna take the bus next time and walk it. Just sayin’ is all.